Ep. 73 Cultivating Kindness & Self-Love with Andrea Herbert, Iffie Jennings & Tiffany Wachtler
Michelle Fox: [00:00:00] Hello, my friend. I have some news for you. Uh, you know, the inner natural part of me wants to say I have some good news, but I will just say, I don't wanna judge this one. I will say it's news. So the news is that we have decided to hit the pause button with Nourish with Michelle Fox.
Michelle Fox: Our last episode will be Tuesday, February 27th. And I wanted to tell you first because I am so very entirely grateful for this community. You have enriched my spirit and my soul in so many ways. And I truly hope, like, sincerely hope that I have done the same for you. I have decided that I am actually going to take a sabbatical.
Michelle Fox: So starting March 15th for an entire month, March 15th through April 15th, I will be unplugged and gone. At this point, it is unplanned, so I'm not sure if I'll stay [00:01:00] here in Denver, if I'll rent out a cottage on the beach. I'm working out those details with the family right now. But all of that to say that I continue to live out loud as much as possible, and I wanna do that in hopes that my path can lighten somebody else's path or somebody else's load. So I also would love to encourage you to look at ways that you can also take a break.
Michelle Fox: It might not be a full month like me. Maybe it's a full year. I don't know. Maybe it's a full day, a full hour. Either way, I just encourage you to perhaps look at ways that you can also hit the pause button.
Michelle Fox: So last but not least, I want you to keep tuning in because like I said, we will be here through February 27th, and today's episode is so amazing. We are talking to 3 powerhouse women whom I adore. They are all spreading love and kindness in their own ways and in actually some really big ways throughout the world. And then the following week, we get to talk to Kim Fuller, [00:02:00] who is 1 of my favorite therapist and mental health coaches, and I know you're gonna love that conversation as well.
Michelle Fox: It just feels like the timing is so right and so aligned that we can say goodbye in February with these beautiful conversations. Also, the very last episode that you will get to hear on February 27th will be with my friend, Kandice Porter as she holds my hand and helps us say goodbye. So like I said, stay tuned. We still have a lot of juicy healing conversations for you. Also I'm loving the word pause because who knows? I might come out of this sabbatical with a whole new idea for a new podcast, a new format, and maybe not. We will see. I continue to stay curious about what's next.
Michelle Fox: So without further ado, let's listen to this [00:03:00] conversation, cultivating kindness and self love with my friends, Andrea Herbert, Iffie Jennings, and Tiffany Wachtler.
Michelle Fox: Welcome to Nourish with Michelle Fox, your guide to a vibrant life If consistency has been a challenge for you and you occasionally forget self-care, you, my friend are in the right place. Tune in for weekly inspiration to nourish your mind. I know your plate's full and I want to help you support a life and a body that you adore. Let's dig in.
Michelle Fox: I feel like I am about to jump out of my skin because I am so excited to be hosting this very, very special Valentine's Day chat. And hopefully that word Valentine's Day didn't scare you away because kindness is what we are talking about. We have [00:04:00] three queens on this talk. Well, I guess including me, that makes four queens in this conversation.
Michelle Fox: You'll learn very, very soon why I wanted to have these women in this conversation to talk to you, my friend. Today we have Andie Herbert with Be Kind Life. We have Iffie Jennings with The Kindness Network, and we have Tiffany Wachtler with Kindness Concierge. Can you see where I'm going with this? Okay. Yes.
Michelle Fox: So without further ado, let me welcome them to the show. Hello ladies. Welcome to Nourish with Michelle Fox. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Tiffany Wachtler: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for having us.
Michelle Fox: My pleasure. Thank you for saying yes. And for trusting me with this conversation. Cause I know two of you have met in real life, but the third, not so much.
Michelle Fox: We'll, we'll see if we can suss that out as the [00:05:00] conversation goes. But before we jump into talking about kindness and how we can spread more kindness and even what kindness means, I would love to invite you all to play a rapid fire game with me. Are you game?
Andie Herbert: Let's do it. Absolutely. All right.
Michelle Fox: Sweet. So then, Andie, let's start with you.
Michelle Fox: With our Valentine's Day theme, if I say chocolate, flowers, or a heartfelt note, what would you prefer?
Andie Herbert: Easily the heartfelt note. Takes time and effort to do that.
Michelle Fox: Mm, I had a feeling. Beautiful. Iffie, I want to know your favorite travel destination that you've already been to or a dream destination that you think about.
Iffie Jennings: Oh, this
Iffie Jennings: last summer we went to Destin, Florida, and it was like the prettiest beach I have ever seen in the U. S. So that's one of my favorite places.[00:06:00]
Michelle Fox: Nice. I'm going to have to add that to my list. I think I've heard of Destin, but I didn't know that it was beautiful. So thank you for the hip tip. Yeah, of course.
Michelle Fox: All right. And Tiffany, I know that you came to kindness and the work that you're doing because of the story around your mom, which I absolutely want to get into in a moment. And so in that theme, would you be willing to share a story from your childhood in the kitchen?
Tiffany Wachtler: Oh, absolutely. I love sweets. I'm a really big fan of sweets and I wasn't very skilled as a cook for many years and so my official role was licking the beaters from the mixer.
Tiffany Wachtler: I mastered that and so I pretty much always rose to the occasion when it came to a dessert and being able to lick those beaters and supervising. I really nailed the supervising.
Michelle Fox: The supervising, I can see that as a leader. And so with that, I actually want to come back to you for [00:07:00] jumping into our conversation.
Michelle Fox: But also just to share with you the listener, I'm not going to jump into their bios, because as I said, all three of these women are powerhouse executives. And so we will list their bios in show notes. So head to michellefox.com/podcast, and you will be able to catch up and read about these beautiful Queens. But Tiffany, as we talk about the business of kindness, I would just love to start with your story.
Michelle Fox: Would you be willing to share with us how you came to do the work that you're currently doing?
Tiffany Wachtler: Absolutely. in 2016, my mom suffered a stroke and I became a caregiver for her and her life was greatly changed and I didn't know anything about strokes or how to be a caregiver, how to navigate systems. and it got harder that in 2017, she was diagnosed with lung cancer
Tiffany Wachtler: and passed away just two months after that. And in that time, which was so devastating and so awful, the thing that carried me through the light was the kindness. I was so [00:08:00] moved at how people showed up for me and in ways I could have never imagined, in ways that I would have never known to do for someone else before experiencing a loss like that.
Tiffany Wachtler: And so I really found that that was the gift and that the gift was showing up. That wasn't really about what they necessarily did, but the fact that they were there. So I was inspired to really help more people show up because I think sometimes you were scared they're going to do it wrong. And I want to be the person that helps them when they have the heart and they just need the help.
Michelle Fox: That is powerful. That's actually one of the themes we have in our household, Steve and I, we have three children and Steve from the very beginning, he even taught me, he's like, nine times out of 10, you just need to show up for people. And so I love that you brought that theme up because again with grieving we don't always know how to be or what to say and so sometimes friends will just take off because they don't know or they'll stumble they don't know the right thing to [00:09:00] say and so I love that you are bringing this platform to help it.
Michelle Fox: be easier. I don't want to maybe put words in your mouth and feel free to correct me at any time, but to help people on their journey.
Tiffany Wachtler: Absolutely. I want people to be better grief allies. I don't think as a culture, we prepare people for the loss and what that lifelong journey is like with loss. And when you first have those experiences, people swarm, and they're so caring and so loving.
Tiffany Wachtler: And then they rescind back into their lives and their routines, and they don't talk about your person anymore, or they don't check in on you anymore. And so I think one of the things I really wanted to make sure is that there's that continuum, because I'm a different person now that my mom's gone than when I had her.
Tiffany Wachtler: And I think that some days are hard, and it's so nice just to get someone's text to say, I'm thinking of you, or I know this is hard. So I think the I think culturally we do a beautiful job of showing up with the casseroles and all the things right on time and I think people are really extraordinary. I think what's harder is as you continue to grieve and live without that person, how do you [00:10:00] make room for that joy and sorrow and how do you feel seen and less alone?
Michelle Fox: Yes, and holding space for all the emotions to come with grief. That is incredible. And Iffie, I know you, part of your life story is that you have quite a bit of loss as well. Has that played into your choice of building your business around kindness?
Iffie Jennings: I think it's, definitely part of the story, right? That kind of helped bridge it all together.
Iffie Jennings: It's in those difficult times when people show you the kindness, as Tiffany said, to help you get to that place. I think another part of my story is about, you know, being laid off from a job and having an opportunity to really, take inventory, I guess, of the things that were going on around me. And it was right when, you know, The first time President Trump was running for office and I just noticed how people were just really it was heavy weighing heavy on [00:11:00] me on how negative people were and and how mean we were being to each other.
Iffie Jennings: And so I just wanted to create a space where kindness was celebrated and we've evolved a little bit from that right now going back to work full time and noticing how women are wearing multiple hats and how we have an opportunity to really infuse kindness and all the different places we are at, like on boards and in communities and raising our family, but also putting a spin on being kind to ourselves in that process.
Iffie Jennings: Right. And, you know, I truly believe that in order to be genuinely kind to other people, you have to start with yourself. And so I think that's another part of kind of what evolved, but it was all those things that happened in between that kind of helped build to what we are today.
Michelle Fox: And that actually leads into the work that you do, Andie, because I know you work with high performing executive female leaders, and just in the name of your company, Be Kind Life, I'm very curious, like, how do you [00:12:00] infuse kindness in your business model and the work that you're doing?
Andie Herbert: Yeah, well, I first wanted to say, Tiffany, I totally understand your story. My mom also had a stroke in 2015. and so the sort of process around grief, I think the process just around support and all of that stuff, the going back to regular life. But there really isn't regular life for the caregiver.
Andie Herbert: It really, it really hit home. So kudos to you. It's a lot of work. and, and especially difficult. And, and, I'm sorry for your loss. so for us, we really look at kindness and, and, and I think to Iffie's point, it really was sort of 2020. I like to call it the zombie apocalypse. you know, this sort of combination of upheaval.
Andie Herbert: We had this terrible pandemic. The world was upside down. And, I really, like, sort of took inventory of my own life and was kind of like I don't feel like my [00:13:00] bucket is getting filled at all. And then just started to have multiple conversations with friends and everyone was kind of miserable. Miserable at their job and really leading up to 2020 to be honest, but just miserable in general.
Andie Herbert: And so I just thought to myself, we actually don't have to be miserable. It's sort of like an active choice, though we don't realize it. We're not actively making the choice to be miserable, but we don't respect that we really can live a happy life. And so when we're happy, we show happiness to other people.
Andie Herbert: We become kinder in that space, right? So we let people over in front of us on the road. We take the person's cart and push it back. These little small kind of acts of kindness. So when we took a kindness approach, we really took it from a, how do we, it is like, it starts with us. So how do we treat ourselves?
Andie Herbert: and then how are we. Again, to Iffie's point, how are we putting ourselves in [00:14:00] somebody else's shoes? So, and I like to say it's easy to be kind to the people who think like us. It's really getting into the shoes of the people where you're like, I'm sorry, you voted for who? I'm sorry, you think what? It's those people that it's like, oh, this is where my work is.
Andie Herbert: The work is to, to be an active listener. The work is to try and understand their perspective, their point of view. So I think for us kindness really is about it starts and I think it's up here on my wall somewhere back here. I'll never know what side, but it really starts with empathy. And that really is the foundation of, can I step into someone else's shoes and, and take a step back from my own stuff, my own thoughts, my own beliefs, my own, you know, ideologies, and really try and have a good understanding of other people.
Michelle Fox: So I would feel remiss if I didn't add my father to the plate as well because I too lost him from a stroke and that was back in [00:15:00] 2015 and that was a big part of my life. What kind of lit the fire under me to talk to people about their health and about not waiting to make changes and to be able to show up for themselves.
Michelle Fox: And so, 1, I have absolute compassion for everyone on this call, especially because I, I know we're in that unfortunate club of, having lost a parent, which has its own unique journey. With that, Iffie, I would love to talk more about the self kindness that you highlighted, because I think that is a huge place to get us started.
Michelle Fox: It plays into what Tiffany's talking about, how kind of as the caregiver, we often get kind of left behind and then. Also, with what Andie's talking about, how the world can just feel so crazy sometimes. But I think when we start with ourselves, it kind of is a more powerful place to start. We can [00:16:00] see, kind of widen the lens, but I would love just to hear more of your thoughts about that self kindness and how we can plug more into that piece.
Iffie Jennings: Yeah, when we when I originally started the Kindness Snack I used to call it, it was during the pandemic. So I used to call it my Kindness survival bag. And it was like this invisible bag that you kind of kept with you and you packed it with, you know, positive self talk. And what are the actions that I'm using?
Iffie Jennings: And how am I using my words? And I said, sometimes throughout that day, things get into that bag where it's like self doubt or I'm being more critical or I'm not being as kind as I thought I would be. And you know, at the end of the day, you kind of unpack it and then start over with packing the things that you want to represent yourself with kindness.
Iffie Jennings: So that was in the beginning, but I've kind of transitioned a little bit throughout this year and thinking through like, how do I implement self kindness? Because I am really good at doing it for other people. I'm really good at, you know, Trying to do it for my friends. My family doesn't always get the best [00:17:00] part of me, but I'm working on that.
Iffie Jennings: by the end of the day, but it was, it started with this idea of, okay, well, if you want to be genuinely kind to other people, you have to start with being kind to yourself. So it was simple things like. If I say I'm going to work out, I'm going to keep that appointment with myself. I'm not going to take that appointment and put it on the side for someone else, right?
Iffie Jennings: Or if I tell people to use kind words with, when they're talking to their loved ones, then I'm going to use kind words with myself. When I worked in healthcare, one of the things they used to say to us is, treat every person you encounter as if it's that loved one that's in front of you. And so when I'm using words that are not as kind to myself, I'm saying, would I say that to someone else?
Iffie Jennings: Probably not, right? Like, how do I kind of build those words back up in myself? So, that's what I think about when I think of self kindness is really, would I say this to a loved one or a good friend? Probably not. Or am I keeping the appointments and promises I made to myself? And that's how I start to think about it.
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Michelle Fox: Keeping the promises to ourselves. That kind of relates back to what we were saying about just showing up. Like when I say that and we say that in the household, we are often talking [00:19:00] about showing up for other people to let them know we're there for them. But in this example, I absolutely can see how we can show up for ourselves, which brings more of that love and empathy that I heard somebody mention as well.
Michelle Fox: It might have been you, Tiffany. but as I'm looking at you right now, Tiffany, I would love to learn more about your actual business model. Like how do you serve with kindness right now?
Tiffany Wachtler: So one of the big ways I serve folks is I do kind consultations. So I find that when people hear bad news or they know someone's experienced a loss and they don't know what to do, it's hard to figure out what that is.
Tiffany Wachtler: So I spend 20 minutes talking to them about what the situation is and who the person is in their relationship. Do they have a budget? Do they want to do something? Do they want to send something? And then I come up with three meaningful ways they can show up for that specific situation. And if they need me to, I help them execute it.
Tiffany Wachtler: I've ran into a few people that say that sounds great, but if you give it back to me, I'm going to bail or be scared. Or [00:20:00] it's going to get on my to do list and not get around. I have friends who drive cards around in their car with stamps on them, which I cannot even understand in my world. I'm like, what are you talking about?
Tiffany Wachtler: Put it in the mailbox. And so I want to also make sure that they don't, lose their momentum because I think, you know, sometimes you have that, like, I'm going to act right away and then it falls off. So I mostly try and listen to them and ask, like, what do you want this person to feel and what do you want them to know?
Tiffany Wachtler: Because at the end of the day, the act sometimes doesn't matter what exactly it is. I don't remember what the card said. I don't remember what your casserole tasted like. I remember that you showed up. And more importantly, I remember the people who didn't. And I learned later, I was like, where were you?
Tiffany Wachtler: And looking around were these people. And some people I know were scared and felt paralyzed. Some people just thought she's so social. She's got such a great family. They're all surrounding her and left it up to everybody else to take care of me. Not realizing that my family was also struggling. We were all grieving.
Tiffany Wachtler: And so I think some of it was that they were afraid and then others just [00:21:00] left it up to other folks to do it. So I work really closely with folks to try and customize what makes sense for them. And then for the people that are easy breezy and just want to send a care package, I offer care packages on my website and I help people craft the message because that's where they get stuck.
Tiffany Wachtler: They find the cute little care package. They're really just in there hugging a box, but then they get stuck on the words. And so I ask them, like, what ultimately is the sentiment you want to convey? And then I give them multiple options and edits until it feels good. And then I mail it for them. And I send them a follow up card to mail to the person a month later.
Tiffany Wachtler: Because I want them to say, I'm still thinking of you. I still care about you. And then I send them a reminder that month to say, Hey, it's been a month since Susie Creamcheese went through that hard thing. This might be a great time to use that card. And maybe it's not the right time, but just having that reminder that this person's still working through it.
Tiffany Wachtler: So, still be there.
Michelle Fox: I love that. You know, all three of us are nodding our head like, Oh, yes. And that does speak to just how [00:22:00] kindness can show up in so many different ways. And as you were saying that I was just imagining like if somebody were to have done that for me, like just how that would make me feel.
Michelle Fox: And
Tiffany Wachtler: I think, you know, I love sending gifts because I just like shopping and I want to buy things, it's better if I can do it for clients and just spend all my money, but I think the small things too, like making a playlist of songs that are encouraging, or I had someone leave me a bottle of smart water and a bottle of whiskey on my doorstep and it said please remember to hydrate, that's all it said, I only knew it was the person because of their handwriting, but like what a thoughtful, sweet thing that took so little time and effort, so I think just remembering those small things can go a really long way.
Michelle Fox: And so that. Is more on the personal level, and I imagine the service can definitely cross over for colleagues and business as well. I'm also curious, Andie, would you be willing to speak to how kindness can show up in the boardroom in the corporate sphere, like in the work that we're doing as entrepreneurs?[00:23:00]
Andie Herbert: Yeah, I mean, I, one of the reasons we sort of tackled the workplace is because it's where we spend such a huge percentage of our time. And it's one of the key drivers of, of misery. And remember, we're, we're about happiness and the happiness then sort of rolls over into kindness towards yourself into others.
Andie Herbert: Um, but in corporate America, I'm going to go broadly. I'm going to do an 80 20 rule. It's probably not everybody, but it's more people than than it's not. when we see, you know, where. customer, I mean, excuse me, employee engagement rates are and whatnot. Right? So people are not happy at work. And a lot of reasons they're not happy is their managers aren't communicating to them.
Andie Herbert: They don't understand what the organization is doing. they don't understand what their goals are. You know, everybody likes to make it about money, but. But for the most part, it's that people don't feel appreciated. And so on the corporate side, what we really look to do is to say, [00:24:00] Hey, let's operationalize your values, your mission statements, because you all have amazing mission statements and you all have amazing values, but they're not actually put into any kind of operations.
Andie Herbert: And so how do we look at how goals are set? How do we look at how goals are cascaded? How are you communicating with your teams? so many times we see performance reviews are coming up the time of year, right, where everyone's getting their performance reviews, and there's going to be a high percentage of people who are shocked that they're not getting a certain bonus.
Andie Herbert: No one should be shocked because we should be having these conversations with people. We should be able, we, you as a leader should be connecting with your, with your persons, your people on your team on a monthly basis to talk not just about performance, but as. But about people as a whole, right? How are we doing?
Andie Herbert: How's, I, I understand that your, your cat died last week, you know, just making these connections with folks where it's not just about business. It's about this, the, the whole person [00:25:00] and, and also it is about how we're performing. And the idea is we shouldn't be waiting till the end of the year that we penalize people, but we should be as leaders in supportive positions of how do we remove barriers?
Andie Herbert: So we really try to look at kindness in a couple ways, we look at it as, how do you set, set a standard? You know, how do you, how do you live your values and your, your mission statements by setting these standards? How do you open communication to way? and lastly, how do we make sure that we talk about nice versus kind?
Andie Herbert: Cause nice is the, you know, that kind of like bobbing head back and forth and up and down and that kind of thing. And, we avoid what I like, a lot of people call it difficult conversations, but I like to call it constructive dissidence. Like, we should be able to disagree with each other. And it shouldn't end in, you know, complete chaos and [00:26:00] destruction.
Andie Herbert: It should be this, this thing where we can, we trust each other enough, again, starting with empathy. We understand where each other's coming from. I have respect for you. You have respect for me. I think that's really where in corporate America, where we need to start is sort of how do we have goals?
Andie Herbert: How do we communicate? And how are we supporting one another? in in that space?
Michelle Fox: So far, I have heard us talking about being an active listener, showing empathy, looking for that connection. I feel like these are such beautiful synonyms to kindness. At the same time, I don't believe we can say kindness enough because obviously we've seen the ripple effects in our lives. Before I ask any Valentines themed questions,
Michelle Fox: I wonder if there's something I might be missing in this conversation. Specifically, Tiffany, I saw you reach for the space button to unmute. Was there something [00:27:00] you were about to say that you may have gotten caught off?
Tiffany Wachtler: No, I just was so, it resonates so much with me what Andie's saying about nice and kind and the differences.
Tiffany Wachtler: I just feel like kindness is so active. Like it is something you're actually doing. It's not just happening and it doesn't just, come together without effort. And I think that's really important. And I think when you're clear with folks and articulate things to them, like that is kind. So I do think folks get caught up in the nice
Tiffany Wachtler: and really worrying so much about being nice and sometimes nice equals polite. And so I think there are ways to actually be super kind and constructive and diplomatic. So it just resonated with me, especially because I just think when I think about kindness and people trying to do it, I want to emphasize like it's active.
Tiffany Wachtler: It's not something that just happens.
Iffie Jennings: Yeah, I totally agree. I when I think of nice, I think of people pleasing, right? Like we're like you said, it was being polite or it's just saying, you know, given the polite nod in the in the room just because you want to be agreeable in the moment. one time someone had this example [00:28:00] of nice versus kindness, and it really resonated me.
Iffie Jennings: It was nice. It's raining outside. Kindness is it's raining outside. Here's an umbrella to help you when you go out there, right? Like it was something that really helped Me to lock down like nice versus kind and it also checks me on when I'm being nice Versus when I'm actually being kind and how do I balance that out, right?
Michelle Fox: Because maybe even being too nice could burn you out. I imagine when you're just trying to be nice all day.
Andie Herbert: That's the thing because I think authenticity has to show up, right? I mean you you will you will absolutely burn yourself out. You will absolutely be incredibly frustrated If you're walking around just trying to make sure that everybody else is feeling okay.
Andie Herbert: Again, I'll go back to what Iffie said, it starts with yourself. You have to start with being kind to yourself. And sometimes again, that creates some level of dissonance, right? And we think, Oh, well, kindness. I can't, I can't make anybody upset. No, that's not the case. The case is we have to talk about these things.
Andie Herbert: We have to [00:29:00] have open lines of communication about these things because you deserve peace as much as I deserve peace, right? You deserve kindness as much as I deserve kindness. And so we have to get to a place that makes that mutually beneficial.
Tiffany Wachtler: And to add to that, I think that kindness can be about boundaries. If I'm being kind to myself, I might need a bound, make a boundary between you and me, or I might have to sevor or let this relationship have a sunset because I need to be kinder to myself or teach you how to treat me. And so I think that is where it gets sticky for sometimes, where you're like, you know what?
Tiffany Wachtler: I'm going to have to take myself into consideration and the kindest thing that I can do is create some space.
Andie Herbert: Well, it's, it's that boundary between selfish and selfless, right? And I think most of us have been taught the minute you start to think about yourself, the minute you start to act kind to yourself, if that has a negative impact on someone else, well, then you can't do that.
Andie Herbert: And it's like, well, someone's having a negative impact. It's happening to someone somewhere. [00:30:00] And I certainly can't show up as my best self. I certainly can't. I certainly don't feel good if I don't have, you know, if I don't feel safe. I talk about psychological safety, right? If I don't feel safe, if I don't feel good, if I don't feel, like I get to also be myself, I can't show up kind for anybody else.
Andie Herbert: I won't show up kind for anybody else. I'll show up nice, and then probably in my journal I'm telling people off, or maybe I'm actually telling people off, so it will show, it will showcase itself, and so sometimes I totally agree, Tiffany, you have to have this sense of boundaries around it. What am I willing to accept and not accept because my, because again, again, we will repeat this over and over,
Andie Herbert: the kindness starts with ourself. That's the only way we can really share that, that with the world.
Iffie Jennings: And then you think about it, right? Like who ends up getting that part when you're being nice all day and you burnt out, who ends up getting that part of you when you go home? It's never the people that you really want to give that to, right?
Iffie Jennings: I'm talking to myself [00:31:00] more than anything.
Andie Herbert: Your family gets all the smoke.
Iffie Jennings: And it's, I'm just saying.
Michelle Fox: You're exactly right. And as you're saying this, I'm kind of, of two minds right now. One, again, with the Valentine's theme, I think of the people who are in partnerships. And I want to give an example of how, yes, you may be in partnership, but we can't say it enough. We want you to be loved up and you to be showing self kindness.
Michelle Fox: I, I'd want to go in that route. Also, the voice of my single friends is actually screaming right now as we are having this conversation because I think oftentimes especially here in the United States of America, the idea of Valentine's Day is supposed to be about hearts, flowers, chocolate, love notes, and, you know, about partnership.
Michelle Fox: But in all the work I've done, it's always about you. [00:32:00] Like starting with you. And so for my single friends, please lean into this conversation because yes, the kindness at that foundation, that could look as simple as a bubble bath, but it also could be, oh, how am I going to invest in myself? What is, what are going to be some of my next steps to spend that time?
Michelle Fox: And so even as I'm saying this, like, And I believe all three of you are intuitive as well. Like, can you maybe riff on what I'm trying to reach? I feel like I'm this close, but I want to grab a little bit farther. Like, can you talk to some of my single friends who may be feeling a little bit down this week just because of the pressures from Valentine's Day and the expectations of Valentine's Day to be in a coupleship or a partnership?
Andie Herbert: Well, I'm one that loves Galentine's. I think, I think, you know, the opportunity. It's interesting because we will easily equate love, in this level in [00:33:00] a romantic way, right? But we forget about our friends. We forget about the people that, you know, I'm looking at Tiffany that we need to lean on in these times when the stress is high, when we've lost a loved one, when, you know, all of that is love.
Andie Herbert: And so, I think there is a lot of pressure to sometimes conform to the, all of the stuff around, around partnering up, but. Remembering that, you know, cultivating these relationships with, with your girlfriends, with your work colleagues, with your neighbors, you know, cultivating these relationships, what a perfect time on Valentine's Day because Valentine's Day is around the expression of love.
Andie Herbert: Not just romantic love, and so there's these opportunities to make those connections. I think it, at this time,
Tiffany Wachtler: I love Galentine's. Also, I did not marry the flowers, chocolates, romantic dinners guy. So I just want to put it out there that we might be coupled up and married and Joe Wachtler has written 3 cards [00:34:00] in probably
Tiffany Wachtler: seven years. So I think sometimes managing your expectations, but also knowing that you're worthy. So when I, it took me a long time to find my husband, I was in my forties and I got married. I kissed a lot of frogs, but what was really important to me is to feel like I was worthy. So when Valentine's day came around, I walked out and got myself some flowers.
Tiffany Wachtler: I bought myself some drinks. sometimes I'd even write a note to myself about what I loved. And I think just creating some of that self love and not waiting for people to bring that into your life. Just you deserve it now, go out and get it and make sure that you're making whatever Valentine's looks like for you as a solo person.
Tiffany Wachtler: And if it's not with your girlfriends, even if it's just a little time to reflect, like what is incredible about me, what are the things that I love? And I think friends are the family you choose. And so, you know, if you have the opportunity to do something that's completely unrelated, do it. But if you just want to sit at home, eating your chocolate, you bought at target, do it.
Tiffany Wachtler: I love it.
Iffie Jennings: Yeah, I love that. I love the self reflection piece, right? Like, I think when you, get married and then you have a family, sometimes in those moments, [00:35:00] you kind of lose some pieces of that. And so if you haven't had a time, time to kind of be present and self reflect and have time with your girls, right?
Iffie Jennings: And have that circle of friends that can kind of remind you of all those things when you get a little wrapped up in others and trying to meet other people's needs. I mean, I think no better time to do that, right? And Listen, we need to kind of encourage ourselves. I am probably with Tiffany and we'll probably have to buy chocolates or get ones that I don't really want anyway.
Iffie Jennings: So I don't cut that part out. Michelle, don't
Michelle Fox: say that.
Iffie Jennings: No problem.
Andie Herbert: Yeah, mine is more of the on the those are commercial things and show me the rule books on Valentine's Day and the something and the something I'm like, isn't love shown every day? And I'm like,
Andie Herbert: Okay, yes,
Andie Herbert: yes. And yes. And by the way, yes. This is a thing where we shouldn't wait for a day to express these things.
Andie Herbert: but I, I, I just love, first of all, I [00:36:00] love that I'm on with, I don't know about you, Michelle, but I love that I'm on with two other women where the partners are like, I don't subscribe to that as a thing.
Tiffany Wachtler: Well, I love cards too. And I think what was really lovely is my dad sends me usually the first Valentine I get every year is from my dad.
Tiffany Wachtler: if he misses a year, I was like, I'm sorry, do we not love me anymore? But I think it's also important. Like I mail cards every week and I think just taking the time to go get that little eight pack of cards and send it out so that people Are getting that love in the mail and it's so unexpected I think like a card in the mail hits different than a text or anything. So I think if you have the opportunity like that solo friend Maybe just send them a card that says you're incredible and I see you and I love you this day and every day
Michelle Fox: I love that And I'll just call out Iffie Jennings, who's a good girlfriend in real life, and sometimes she'll leave me little voice notes.
Michelle Fox: So, like, that's a beautiful way to start my day. And so, yes, if you're [00:37:00] lazy like I am, and you, you can't commit to the beautiful notes that Tiffany does, which actually, I absolutely recommend trying. And now even listening to you, Tiffany, I promise I'm going to try harder because I do have, like, Three different stacks behind me of thank you notes and hello notes.
Michelle Fox: So, I promise I will try. And, when I'm still feeling a little bit lazy, don't be surprised if you get a little voice note from me. And feel free to send one back to me. so yay! So then as we kind of wind down, One of the threads I'm hearing from all three of you is the idea of community, especially, Andie, when you brought up Galentine's.
Michelle Fox: There are a lot of women in this community, whether they are partnered or solo, specifically women who are, you know, in their fifties and where the children are starting to leave the house and things are feeling a little bit quiet. You know, that's going to be me in about two or three years.
Michelle Fox: what are some good ways to find community. How about that. So I met all [00:38:00] three of you and very different communities and so I'm really good at putting myself out there and going to the networking events and coming home with three new friends. Like, that's easy for me. But what I'm learning as I'm getting older, that's not easy for everybody, specifically for our more, shy or I'm going to say intrapreneur, but that's not the word.
Michelle Fox: What am I reaching for? The, introvert. Thank you for the introverted friends who their lives are changing because they're not, you know, out with the soccer moms anymore, or they're not in perhaps some church communities like, I would just love even if one if each of you could give one example of one way to find more community so that we aren't feeling so lonely as we're getting older.
Andie Herbert: Oh, I'm happy to go first or if you want to go. You go ahead. so I think 2020 was sort of the biggest kind of, transition for myself with social media. Right. I [00:39:00] was a passive user, I guess, you know, scroll through and see things that people are posting, I would, you know, that kind of thing, but I didn't really engage.
Andie Herbert: And interestingly enough, I would say probably 80 percent of the people, maybe even 90 percent of the people that are new friends of mine, because I have a lot of long term friends that I've known, you know, decades, but our new friends of mine came through in 2020 simply by engaging in communities, whether that's on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram.
Andie Herbert: You'd be shocked at, you know, just not just liking a post, but actually leaving a note for someone, how many notes you get back. so I encourage, I know it's like, oh, social media, but I highly encourage engagement on social media. You'll be shocked at the engagement you get, you get back from that. I've met a ton of new friends that way.
Iffie Jennings: I think another, one in addition to social media, I love that, is volunteering, right? There might [00:40:00] be a project that you're passionate about and you might meet other like minded individuals that you could take to coffee or, you know, go to lunch with. And so, I would say I fall in the bucket of being an introvert.
Iffie Jennings: So,I'm usually trying to think through, like, if I'm at a work event or, at a volunteer event, just like one or two people I can connect with again afterwards, by sending them a note. so that's mine.
Tiffany Wachtler: My approach is to put something on the calendar right away. So if I meet someone in a networking event or I meet them at a dinner party, it's like, Oh, we should spend time together. We should have coffee. I opened my phone like a creeper and I say when, and I actually put the date on the calendar then, because I think sometimes when you get away from that, it's weird.
Tiffany Wachtler: It's like dating, like, do I call them? Do I not call them? Are they really into me? And so I always put the date on the calendar right away and like really try and commit to like, when can we connect again? And it could be a virtual meeting, it could be a coffee, drinks, lunch, whatever, but really trying to seize the moment while we have that opportunity.
Tiffany Wachtler: If we feel like there's a [00:41:00] connection, how can we nurture it?
I love that, Tiffany. I say, it doesn't happen if it's not on the calendar. I mean, that is such a great, great idea right then and there, and if they think you're creepy, then they're not your people and you move on to the next people, but it is perfect.
Tiffany Wachtler: It's also a wave of authenticity that I'm not just giving you a platitude like, oh, we should get together. We should get together on Thursday. That's when we should get together.
Michelle Fox: Very specific. Yeah,
Iffie Jennings: Another place I've met other people is introductions. That's how Tiffany and I met. We were introduced by mutual friends.
Iffie Jennings: And so that is another way that people get to meet new people.
Michelle Fox: Thank you for that. So I know my community is going to want more of you all's goodness and you have my word. I'll put all the goods in our show notes. But for now, and for our listeners who are listening only, where can they come find you?
Michelle Fox: Let's start. Let's go alphabetical by first name. Andie, where can my community come find you?
Andie Herbert: you can find me [00:42:00] on Instagram @TheAndieMarie, A-N-D-I-E. Marie, the Andie Marie
Michelle Fox: awesome and Iffie,
Iffie Jennings: um, on Instagram @firstkindnessnet. Love it. And Tiffany
Tiffany Wachtler: on Instagram @the_Kindness_Concierge.
Michelle Fox: Beautiful. And so as we close out, one of my favorite questions to ask all of my guests is one thing today, what is one thing you are going to do to nourish yourself today? And we can popcorn it. Whoever feels the energy.
Tiffany Wachtler: I just got back from a vacation and buffets and all these things. And so I'm actually going to make my own meal and make something I love for my husband and I that feels like it's from the heart and Maybe has some vegetables in it would be great. . I haven't seen a vegetable in a minute, , so it's gonna be very exciting.[00:43:00]
Michelle Fox: You know, you get two thumbs up from me for that. Yes. Good job, . Yes. An amen.
Andie Herbert: I think one of the things I'm trying to work on is, and I shut my eyes because I'm failing at it miserably, is Just trying not to focus on anything while I take a shower. I know that that sounds really weird, but in the shower my mind is going 100 miles a minute, and it's like, no matter what I do, my mind is going 100 miles a minute, so I have to try and find the space and time to quiet it, and like, I want that to be the shower.
Andie Herbert: And it doesn't have to be no thoughts, I just want it to be. A singular thought, right? Like, let me just focus on washing my face and let me just like that, like that, that simple, to just help my mind quiet down a little bit.
Michelle Fox: Hmm, so I feel like I'm breaking my own rule by jumping in here, but I just, I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't mention these aqua notes.
Michelle Fox: I just pulled this down because I'm on my last note, and it actually has a note that I [00:44:00] need to follow up on, but Aqua Notes. You can get them on Amazon. You can find them on my store at michellefox.Com. But they are waterproof. You can write your thoughts down so that you can just move on from your thoughts.
Michelle Fox: And so I promise Andie, I am not trying to fix you. I'm just trying to help anybody who might be listening because I know our listeners. Our fellow entrepreneurs and as an entrepreneur, our minds, we, we can't help it. Like our thoughts are going a million miles an hour. And wouldn't you know, when the water's coming down, that's usually when the most thoughts come through.
Michelle Fox: Right. So Aqua notes.
Andie Herbert: Thank you. That's awesome. Because I think if I can just let it, let them go freely, then it's not, it's not like ruminating.
Michelle Fox: Right. And you don't feel like you're forgetting something the moment you step out of the shower. My pleasure.
Iffie Jennings: I think I am going to, I've been, I'm a processor, so I've been trying to add reflection time to my [00:45:00] calendar.
Iffie Jennings: We're not going to talk about how much I've honored it over the last week, but what I want to do today after we get off the phone is actually take my time to kind of write down things that I'm grateful for and reflect back on the day a little bit.
Michelle Fox: What a beautiful segue because I am so grateful for each and every one of you.
Michelle Fox: Thank you for saying yes to this conversation and more important, thank you for saying yes to yourselves and just being models of kindness because clearly it has a beautiful ripple effect on all of our different communities. So thank you. Thank you and thank you. Thank you.
Tiffany Wachtler: Thank you very much.
Andie Herbert: Yeah, absolutely.
Andie Herbert: Thank you for the invite. This was like the best way to spend an hour. So I appreciate all of you and I've really got some great tools and tips for myself. So thank you as well.
Michelle Fox: thanks so much for listening to Nourish. Have you been driving, doing laundry or walking around the neighborhood? [00:46:00] Sweet. I've got show notes for you. Hop on over to michellefox.com/podcast. When you are ready. I will let you know that on the page, you will find resources to support what you just learned on today's show. And then of course you can grab some health supportive freebies as well.
Michelle Fox: If you enjoyed this episode, I would be honored. If you would leave a review on whichever podcast platform you are listening on. It will help me with my mission to build healthier communities. One person at a time and it will help you because you will be part of that mission.
Michelle Fox: I'll be back next week and I encourage you to keep showing up for yourself and know that you and your health matter. Big love!
