HSN Episode #16: The Dark, The Light, and The Messy Middle of Turning 50
INTRO: Welcome to Healthy Sexy Nutrition with me, Michelle Fox, culinary nutritionist, health coach, and your host for this podcast. I teach busy professionals how to get more nutrition in their bodies and how to have more fun in their home kitchens. If you struggle with consistency or sometimes forget to make your needs a priority or you avoid planning your meals, you, my friend, are in the right place.
Join me each week for inspiration to increase your energy, discover new recipes, manage your hormonal woes, and so much more. You are a busy professional, but that does not mean your nutrition should suffer. You deserve to live in a body and have a life that you love.
So let's dig in.
MICHELLE FOX: I have been thinking about this episode for the past three months, trying to decide what would be impactful to share about my journey of turning 50 years old. Yes, that is five zero. I have been celebrating outwardly. Hopefully you've seen some of my fun Instagram reels of me dancing and celebrating and being silly because I sincerely and truthfully have loved turning 50 and the process that has gotten me here.
I will also say the parts of me that I have not been so public with are some of the fears and some of the in between. And for these next few moments, I really wanna just delve in. You are my community and I have been learning to relax into you knowing that you've got me. From everything from the reviews on this podcast, to the text, to the phone calls, to the in, is it IRL? Yeah. In Real Life connections. Where you've checked in on me. Oh my goodness. My heart feels so completely full. So thank you for giving me this space to just explore and to become more of who I am.
What I wanna share with you today, I wanna share a little bit about the darkness, the dark parts that have gotten me to where I am today. Of course, we're gonna talk about the lightness because that is where my energy tends to stay more comfortable. It tends to feel more of who I am when I'm in the light and sharing my light. And then we're also gonna chat about the messy middle. So let's start with some of the dark stuff first. I am human. Just, just in case you weren't aware, and of course I say that facetiously, but I think my ego needs to hear that sometimes because I am very good at acting like I am superhuman, like I am superwoman. Like I can heal and help everybody before I am healing and helping myself. And so in this year, I have finally come to this space where I'm clear. I am so crystal clear that if I am not taking care of myself, I can't show up in the ways that I want to for my family and for my community, and for my students. I've had so many. What would you say? I'm pausing cause I'm like, they're not quite meltdowns. They're not quite come to Jesus. I guess come to Michelle moments. This has been my first year as a full-time entrepreneur and I will tell you it has brought out the best of me and it has also brought out the worst in me.
The beautiful part is I can say without a doubt. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere because the experience that I've had to go through to get to where I am has been so rich and so worth it. And so back to the dark sides. So the dark parts I would have to say are me getting in my own way. And trying to do things my way without consulting with my higher spirit, with my God, with my universe. And every time I trip over myself, I'm quickly humbled and I am brought back to realize, uh, yeah, no, Michelle, let's lean into spirit. And so, as an example, cause I always believe that we learn, or I, I'll just speak for myself. I tend to learn best through stories, and so an example that I would be willing to share of perhaps some of the darker parts of this journey of turning 50.
You know, let's look at my transition from leaving Corporate America, which on the surface and on paper felt very safe at the time, having a steady paycheck. I don't mind sharing with you. It was a very large paycheck that I had earned over the years, and I was very grateful for. And the main reason I bring that up is because that's the part that made it that much harder to let go and join this world of entrepreneurs where from day to day, I do not know how much money is coming in and I do not know how much is going out. And of course, I have plans and I have spreadsheets, and I have budgets, and I have all the things that make a successful business. And I do actually feel successful. And I wanna actually talk about what that means to me momentarily, what success looks like. Cause it might surprise you. Um, but even with all those plans, back to leaning with spirit. There are certain things I, I have done in these past few years that have brought beautiful awareness and success and, um, yes to the money. However, I've noticed the bigger accomplishments, the, the, the things in life, like the beautiful group of women and men. I had 130 people in a workshop in October. I can honestly say that all came from spirit. Yes, I did some of the front work to put myself out there and let people know what kind of work I do and what kind of business I love to do. But it was because a woman, Chef Lisa, saw the work that I did online that got her to say, “oh, perhaps Michelle can handle this group of people and, and lead them in appropriate ways.”
Anf that was purely through spirit. And so that's just one example of going from corporate where it felt safe, saw that the paycheck was coming, knew how to kind of maneuver in that world compared to entrepreneurship. Where every single morning I wake up and it is literally a fresh new day, whether it's meeting new people and or getting new business opportunities and or working with new clients, and this is where my sweet spot is. This truly is the journey that I have been working towards for a long time. And so that's just a bit about the darkness. We can go deeper if you know, if you, if you wanna have a, a, if you're, “Hey, how about this?” If you are a therapist and you are offering free sessions, hook your girl up. Cause I am definitely very clear that this is a journey and this is a process.
So that's a little bit about the darkness. I wanna share the messy middle. So, starting this year leading into the day I turned 50 on Thanksgiving this past year, November 24th, 1972. That is my birthdate in case you're trying to do the math. Yes, I truly am 50 years old and so proud and so grateful, and I will say I didn't expect to be here in a few ways, meaning as a child, I always dreamed of having three children and a beautiful house, an adoring husband and a cute dog. And guess what? I have manifested all of that in black and white. When you see that and you hear that, that sounds amazing. And it is. And the human parts of that. Being a mom to two teenage girls. That's its own thing. And in fact, we can probably have our own episode around that once I get permission from them, of course, because, uh, for any of my fellow moms who have teenagers, you can already hear the hesitation in my voice. I'm sure you can feel it, right? Like I, there's just a delicate balance of what is theirs to have. What are their boundaries that I need to respect? And then what is my right as a mom and as a shepherd of their path? And so that has been a really interesting journey, being an entrepreneur. Yes, the variety is amazing. And I have had to do a lot of work on my nervous system to make sure that I can handle some of the things that come at me that I often don't feel like I have control over.
And you know, guess what? PS none of us truly have control over anything. I know we say we have control over ourselves and to some extent, yes. In that big picture, I am becoming more clear that, whew, relaxing into a God is the only thing that I feel like I can control.
The next thing that popped into my mind as far as being in the middle, I just mentioned having the teenagers. Well, I also have a mom who has had some physical issues this year, and watching her through that process has been challenging, not only because she's my mom and I love her, and I only want the best for her, and I, I don't want her in pain. It's also brought up some PTSD for me because I lost my father seven years ago. He's one of my big whys of why I said yes to being a culinary nutritionist, and yes to helping others to feel better and heal in their bodies so that nobody dies prematurely like I believe he did. The PTSD part. Being in a hospital with my mom was really challenging because my family, we witnessed my father die, but over a two year period, and so we were in and out of hospitals for those two years and then, just when we thought that was the worst of it all. My sister lost her eight year old son Layton through a rare, rare, rare childhood disease. And that of course can be a whole nother episode. And I actually might invite my sister to come on and share because she has done some amazing, amazing, in my view, superhuman work to to heal. And she's still in process. However, it was in the hospital where I said goodbye to my Layton Peyton pudding pie at eight years old.
And so seeing my mom there, it just really reminded me how precious life is and that being 50, I am kind of in the middle of the sandwich right now. I am hyper aware of my daughter and my bonus children's emotional needs, and now I'm hyper aware of my mother and some of her physical and emotional needs, and so I've had to really figure out what is mine to have? What space am I allowing? What feels good as far as going to the spa? Because if you know me, I could live at the spa every day if you let me, and if I had the budget to do it, I promise you. I would get daily massage and probably weekly facials. I love the spa, however, that's not quite practical in my current life. And I do wanna show up from my family.
And I do love the role that I play. I also know that there's room for improvement for me to treat my body better, and so that is a work in progress. And if you stick with me, I'm gonna bring you along on this journey here on this podcast, and also in my group coaching programs. Our next group coaching program will be Healthy Sexy May, which I'm very excited about. If you wanna get on the wait list, just head to michellefox.com/groupcoaching and you'll be one of the first. I let know when the doors are open to that. So I wanna share that. And that's probably all I wanna say about the messy middle right now. Nope. Apologies. One more thing I wanna say is that I know I am not alone. I also know that if I keep saying this and sharing my light and sharing my message, my true hope is that you feel this as well. I don't want anybody on this path of life alone because we are all going through something, whether we're transitioning into something bigger and more beautiful, or transitioning into something that's really painful transition. Always a hundred percent of the time is work and we feel it. And I just want you to know that I yes, have this microphone and I'm, yes, I am sharing my journey, but please know you are not alone. That I see you.
Some of the light I want to share around turning 50 is that I had the most amazing birthday party, and why I wanna mention that is because oftentimes I think it takes a special event for us to see how much we are appreciated.
I will say I am super grateful and blessed with friends who do share their love with me, whether it's through a quick text or a voice memo, or of course in person as we connect, and I do my best to return the favor and to spread as much light as I can with all my friends, and so we have that. However, when you have an event like a funeral or a wedding or hey, a 50th birthday party, I can just say for me, I am still on a high, like I truly felt love bombed. I had multiple people just sharing how I had affected their lives, even some from childhood that weren't even related to me, that I had no idea that I affected them that way. And if you are listening right now, I say thank you. Thank you for filling my heart. Thank you for letting me know that I matter. Thank you for letting me know that my work matters. Thank you for letting me know that it's worth it for me to keep striving for the light and sharing my light because that is truly when I feel like me. And so you pouring into me helps me fill up so that I can continue to pour into you some more light around turning 50.
I've shared in a few episodes if you've caught it, and if this is the first time, welcome to Healthy Sexy Nutrition. But I've shared in my early twenties, I suffered with bulimia, and that was just a whole host of reasons how I fell into that. I was a professional dancer with the dance leader of Harlem shortly after I graduated from NYU in New York and in some ways it feels like that was just yesterday and then others. That feels like a whole world away. In fact, I haven't even brought my children to New York yet, which I truly hope one day that will happen, hopefully one day soon. But I just mentioned that to say now that I'm on the other side where I have gone through the therapy, I have learned the tools.
I know when maybe I might be faltering on some of those tools. Just as a heads up for anybody who might be suffering through eating disorders and or any other disorders, I pray that you have help, whether that's a therapist and or a partner. In my situation, yes, therapy throughout my entire life, starting in college and, and through now, I'm still doing my work in so many different ways, but I wanna highlight my husband, Steve Black.
He has been amazing at holding my hand and not judging me when things come up. And just as a hip tip, if you are struggling with anything, say it out loud as scary as that might sound. Say it out loud. I noticed earlier this year when I was going through a fearful period, it was actually in a, a launch for selling one of my courses. I just had this overwhelming fear and I turned to food, and that alone was like alert, alert, red flag, cuz I felt like I had done the work. Conquer that fear. But I told Steve right away, I said, this is what's happening for me. This is what I'm doing. And what I loved is that when I had those thoughts, those ideations of hiding food, I did show up and I stepped up with courage and I said, “Hey, Steve, just FYI, I got cookies.” Gluten-free Oreos. By the way, don't try 'em if you haven't. They're so addictive and so not good for you, but they're delicious. Um, not even putting that in show notes. We, we don't wanna give them any energy. I will just say during this period, I was really tempted to buy the cookies, hide them in the car, and I didn't do that.
And I, because I. That is a slippery slope, and I know where that goes. And so I actually, even though that might sound like some of my darkness, that feels like light to me. Like that feels like progress. And the fact that I'm even talking to you in public about it, this is progress for me. And so I celebrate the work that I have done. I celebrate the light that I am sharing in the world. I celebrate where I've come from my childhood and some of the wounds there. To where I am today, knowing that I do not have all the answers, knowing that I am on a journey, but more importantly, knowing that I've proven to myself that I can overcome certain obstacles, and I know that as future obstacles arrive, I can do.
It's another thing I love about having this podcast. It definitely feels like a little time capsule that I can look back on so that you know, if not, if when I am having a down moment, I'm gonna replay this, that I can hear my own voice reminding me that yes, Michelle, you can do this. You can overcome this obstacle. So thank you for being part of my community. Thank you for holding my hand. Thank you for walking this journey with me. 2023 is going to be amazing. I have quite a few beautiful guests lined up already that I know will touch your heart because they've touched mine and I know you and I have so much in common.
Speaking of what we might have in common and maybe what we don't have in common. I have invited a few of my guests who are over 50 to share their experiences and what being 50 or turning 50 means to them. And I would love to share their voices with you.
SHEILA BOTELHO: Hi Michelle. It's Sheila Botelho responding to your question about what I love about being 50, because really I love a lot of things about being 50. I turned 50 this year and something I've noticed is I can look back now at so many times. Where I wondered what was gonna happen next, and fears could often stop me before I even started. And now I can say looking through those experiences and coming to the other side of them, so many of the things that I may have been fearful of never even happened. And the things that may have been really difficult or challenging times were things I never really anticipated. And so now at this place in my life, having come through both of those types of things, I'm so much more open to surrendering, to allowing my purpose to emerge and events to emerge in my life. And I have a deeper, more clear understanding of how I can be present in the moment and how I can choose to respond with a lot more grace on myself and the people around me, because we're all just trying to figure it out. So being 50 is a blessing because I'm noticing more and more it.
A new beginning, a reclamation of being who I truly am and folding more deeply into that feeling more comfortable as each day passes living in my authentic skin. It's a beautiful thing and I'm grateful to be on this journey with you, and I hope you have a beautiful holiday season.
DR. TIFFANY SLATER: Hey Michelle. This is Tiffany Slater. Just wanted to let you know that what I struggle with the most as it relates to being 50 are the hot flashes and the weight gain. What surprised me about turning 50 was the fact that my body, it was almost like my body knew that I turned 50 and like all the switches were flipped to on, the hot flashes, the gain weight, the desire to say and do whatever it is you wanna do. Like all the things just really started going off in my body. And that actually surprised me that it was almost like an alarm went off in my body and it's like, okay, it's time to go crazy.
DONI ALDINE: Hey Michelle, it's Doni. What I love about being over 50 is it's a different kind of confidence. You may have had confidence in your younger years, but when you get older, there's an acceptance in who you are and how you think and, and assurance in what you know. That's what I love the most. Some of the challenges are, you know, just figuring out what's different for you. Not everybody's the same, so uh, is it your digestion? Is it your food? Are you gaining weight? Is it your energy? Whatever the case may be, figuring out your specific challenges and then working to overcome those I'm not a fan of, oh, it's because of my age or whatever the case may be. Like, that means nothing to me. Um, overcoming those challenges is something that, to me is exciting and it adds to the confidence. Glad that you're part of the club now.
REV. SHEILA JOHNSON: Hello, Michelle. This is your mother, AKA Mamacita, and I just called to let you know a few things about the wonderful part of turning 50 for me. First of all, I was half a century old. I'm still feeling and looking young. Had a lot of self introspection going on on so many levels, and there were new freedoms to choose from.
For me. I had new job opportunities in my ministry and in the corporate world. I was stepping into full womanhood and feeling it finally. There just was so many new opportunities ahead, so I was blessed to have menopause behind me. I had already had three beautiful, wonderful children who were already well into their adulthood and doing it well.
So I didn't have those night sweats. So for me, turning 50 was really, really a blessing. I felt good about it. Few things that I can think about that were not good. So thank you so much for the opportunity to share that with you, and I hope that you will have the same thing in your fifties. Love you, mama.
MICHELLE: Oh my goodness. I feel so blessed that you, my friends, were willing to share your voice with my community. I will put everybody who you just heard from in the show notes if you wanna get more of their goodness. And I just wanna say thank you.
I am so entirely grateful for every single year of this journey to 50, and I can sincerely say I am so looking forward to seeing what's next. Please stay with me. Let's walk this journey together and for you, let me know are there other topics you want to hear about in 2023? Send me a DM on Instagram. I'm at michellefoxlove, and I would love to know how you want to be served, cuz I've got you. We're gonna walk this journey together. I'll talk to you soon.
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Big love from your favorite culinary nutritionist and health coach, and until next week, keep showing up for yourself and know that you and your health matter. You deserve to live in a body and have a life that you love.
