At this moment, my life feels on purpose. I mean, I am REALLY in the flow right now. I am in the midst of a 30-day sugar cleanse, a 30-day yoga challenge, and a 9-week Financial Peace University class. My butt is getting kicked left and right (as my Dad would say), and yet this is the most alive I have felt in a long time.

Wellness and contentment are my usual states. However, this past year I have found myself binge-watching television, restless, and gaining A LOT of weight. Yes, 17 pounds is a lot of weight for my frame. It is even more when you consider that I still identify as a classical ballet dancer. Oye! That is a subject for an entirely different blog post.

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Last October was the beginning of my decline. I had a hysterectomy while working at the most challenging (not in a good way) job of my life. We will leave names behind, but let’s say I cannot thank EKS&H (now Plante Moran) enough for having me back. I genuinely LOVE this firm!

Anywhoo – back to the subject. Having my uterus, or as the ten-year-old girl calls it – my asparagus taken out was life-changing for me. It meant that I would no longer have excruciatingly painful monthlies – yay me! It also told me that there was no longer an opportunity for me to carry a child – yay me (I think?). Lastly, it meant I had two0 weeks on the couch to catch up on EVERY single episode of Grey’s Anatomy, feel sorry for myself on occasion (because that’s what you do when a significant part of your body is removed, right!?!), and escape from a job that I felt miserable in.  Not yay me.

Fast forward to February of this year. I lost my eight-year-old nephew. Oh wow, I teared up typing that sentence. Again, this is a subject for another blog post, another time, but it adds to my story of how I got here.

Layton’s death knocked me off my feet right when I felt I was getting my groove back. I had recently left the horrible job and returned to employment that I enjoy. I was also feeling more secure in my relationship with my partner after a lot of couple’s work and internal work. Life was challenging, but it felt like I was on an upward swing.

July 22, 2017

​Nope! I chose to use my grief around losing a nephew and my embarrassment for succumbing to the lure of a “bigger, better” company as reasons to drink alcohol almost daily – Malbec is my favorite. I binged on peanut M&M’s and gluten-free pizza. Somehow I let myself think that because it was gluten-free bingeing, it couldn’t be that bad. Ha ha ha!  Seventeen pounds later, I see that gluten does not discriminate.

My partner and I have created a blended family with three kiddos between us. Due to schedules and arrangements, we had at least one kid with us almost every day this past summer. This left very little time for connecting. The stress of a fuller house and missing intimate time with my man was another excuse to drink as much wine as I desired. Lord have mercy!  

So here I am, ready for the next journey.  I am open and willing to create a life of health and well-being for the long term.  I completely understand that life is unfolding the way it is meant to; however, the clarity I have on how I want to show up in the world is shedding so much light and compassion on how I arrived at this place.  I no longer want to be the grump on the couch.  I no longer want to hide behind unhealthy food and alcohol.  I no longer want to hold onto any limiting ideas of what my life can be.

Continuing to serve is my first priority, but I want to do it in a bigger way.  History has shown that I learn the most about myself, feel the most alive, and am happiest when I am serving others.  The first step I have taken is to begin a free support group through Facebook for others who have been ready to release sugar for 30 days.  My second step is returning to writing through this blog.  I invite you to be a witness to my future steps as I bring what I learn to this page.

Universe, here is my prayer:  Please use me to serve others, help me co-create my dream life, and remind me who I am when I get off the path.  Amen!

Is there something calling you to wake up to life and return to the flow?  What are some things you are ready to let go of, and/or what can you commit to right now to improve your health?  Let me know in the comments.

All my love,

Michelle