Independence! ~ The Graceful Divorce Rewind

It is Thursday and here is the next chosen post from The Graceful Divorce archives (originally published July 2, 2010).  This blog entry made me smile with appreciation.  I am thankful for the love from my friends and I am grateful for how far I’ve come.

Thoughts of whether or not I would find a true partner used to consume me.  If I could have given myself advice from where I stand now, I would tell myself to RELAX!  God’s got your back.  You have some growth to do between now and five years from now when the man of your dreams appears.

More to come about that man in future posts – I promise!  Right now I’m off to enjoy this Thanksgiving with him, our three children, and our extended family.  I truly hope you enjoy your holiday!  

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It is the 4th of July weekend—Independence weekend—and I’m grateful.  I often put Memorial Day, Thanksgiving and Independence Day in the same category.  All three holidays come with a day off from work, extra time with friends and family, and a lot of good food. Also, all three encourage me to be thankful for the people that came before me as well as thankful for the people in my life now.  

My friends often ask how I get through my days with all that’s on my plate:  process of divorce, raising a three year old, working a full-time job, having a part-time career, and spending quality time with friends and with my family.  The answer is always my faith in God and the support of my FRIENDS.   

I am so grateful for the people that Spirit has placed in my life.  I have my core of best girlfriends whom have allowed me a safe place to explore all of my emotions.  They also provide an honest mirror for me when I get off-track.  

This process of transition has also made me aware of unlikely friends.  I work for a wealth management firm during the week and we have a well-connected, conservative client that I interact with from time to time.  I’ll call him Sergeant for this post.  I see him as a gentle giant—he often comes off as abrasive, is large in stature, but is fantastically sincere and well-meaning.   He was a sergeant in the military and runs his life accordingly.  So, imagine my surprise when I received the following email (which he gave me permission to share): 

Michelle: 

I hope you’re not inundated with too many internet flakes. I’m sure once guys see your picture, they are lining up to meet you. Take it slow and be sure their stories are 100% accurate. You are going to be a great catch. I wish, for you, the good fortune I had when introduced to [his wife]. She was the one I was looking for my entire lifetime, I just didn’t know it!! Odd how our hairdresser saw the perfect fit. 

Keep in mind, the right relationship should require very little maintenance, beyond some “fine tuning” every now and then. That fine tuning is automatic, if everyone is paying attention. However, we “guys” usually suck at paying attention after the period of “lust” (we then wonder why we can’t get back to that “sweet spot”). This has very little to do with Venus and Mars and more simply paying attention (on the guy’s part). 

Some would think it would be easier with an instruction manual. But who wants a canned relationship. Take time, smell the roses, find the chinks in the armor and make a well reasoned decision. 

Of course, take all the time you need because lots of “Mr. Rights” are out there hoping to find you.  

Keep in mind, you should look at yourself as being # 1, (perhaps 2 considering [The Nugget]). A divorce is not a statement about you, simply a very inconvenient “bump in the road”. Soon, you’ll be sick of folks wanting you to meet this “perfect guy”. They mean well, but do not necessarily know who’s inside your beautiful exterior. 

I’m so happy [your former spouse] is taking such an active role in [The Nugget’s] life and that he and you are not at each other’s throats. That can be such a destructive period of time for a child caught up in the turmoil. 

Be well and thanks for all you do for us and our mutual clients, 

[Sergeant] 

This email meant so much to me at the time (five months into my separation) as I hadn’t shared much about my process with anyone at work.  Sergeant intuited a lot of what I was going through and he took the risk of sharing his feelings (and opinions) with me.  This, to me, is friendship in action. 

The title of this blog is independence.  I feel free and independent, but only because of the people in my life.  So in reality I am dependent and I’m celebrating that as well.  For those of you looking for my legal independence:  August 10, 2010 is the final day in court! 

Have a wonderful, fun & safe holiday weekend.  I’ll see you next week. 

With love, 

Michelle 

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