I am you, Dad ~ The Graceful Divorce Rewind

This blog post was originally published on August 16, 2010.  November 18th (this weekend) is my father’s birthday so it feels comforting to pull this one out of The Graceful Divorce archives

Dad passed away on July 27, 2014.  I miss him.  Some days I miss him like a soft whisper.  Other moments are torrential.  I am so grateful to have inherited his grace, generosity and LOVE.

Enjoy!

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The Nugget approached me on a Sunday morning a while back and said “Mommy, I am you.”  I asked her what she meant.  In her three year old way of explaining she started poking my belly harder and harder as she kept repeating “I am you, I am you, I am you Mommy.”  Realizing I wasn’t going to get too far with this one, I picked her up and began to tickle her.  The conversation ended in giggles.

Fast forward two months later.  We took a family day trip to Winter Park and my father ended up riding in my car.  On the way up the mountain I was reminded of my daughter’s words, except this time I was the little girl exploring my identity.  Here is a poem that touches on my feelings. 

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I am you, Dad

As I drive up the mountain

I steal glimpses of your face

You are drifting off to sleep

But I know you’re still with me

Taking in every chocolate brown pore on your face

I see me

I see love

I see compassion

You don’t usually have many words to share

But when you do finally speak I feel enveloped, enraptured

Always wanting more

Always wanting to be the center of your attention

Always knowing that the moment will be brief

Here you are in the passenger seat of my car

Close enough to touch, but worlds too far to connect

My heart swells in anticipation of your approval

My eyes burn with frustration on how to reach you

I feel your love in the silent spaces

I want your love in the spoken word

I am you, Dad

I am you

I am

I

Dad sitting on my front patio.

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